All kinds of changes

The past year has brought so many changes it could make one's head spin. Good thing I'm used to a chaotic life, and I learned to roll with the punches a long time ago.

In the past year, my husband has achieved his career goals of making it into the Warrant Officer corps in the Army. Life has gotten a whole lot less stressful for him, and by osmosis, for me. We had the initial six weeks of separation while he was in candidate school, and another 10 weeks for WOBC (Warrant Officer Basic Course for those that don't know the lingo). In between those classes, we had a long holiday visit from my in-laws, my daughter and her boyfriend moved into their own place, and we moved into on-post housing. All during a thirty day period. During that time, I sprained my right knee, and during the solitary move, dropped a table on my big toe on the left, effectively hobbling me for a good long while.

Before all of these lovely events though, Gerry and I talked about adoption. While researching the cost of adoption, and realizing we'd have to sell some major assets (like a car) to come even close to amassing what we'd need, we stumbled upon an alternative. We decided to apply for a foster care license.

Some of my family thinks I'm insane, and some of my family thinks I'm a super-hero. Gerry's family is over the moon with joy at the prospect of little grandchildren. Even though Gerry is "step dad" to my kids, they were already almost grown by the time we got together, so he was never really a father figure; more of a friend, and the guy that makes their mom happy. They have a hard time thinking of him as a step dad, much less his parents as grandparents.

But I digress. We waited until all of the Warrant Officer schooling was done before getting down to the foster care license process. We attended an orientation before he left for the first phase of school, and everything was put on hold until after the second phase. The ball is rolling now though, and we are both nervous and excited and a little bit terrified. Having children will change our relationship in ways neither of us can anticipate. My first marriage crumbled, in part due to the nature of working opposite shifts to minimize the amount of time my kids spent in day care. This time around, I don't have to work to stay afloat financially, and for the first time in my life, I can actually be a stay-at-home mom.

The paperwork, and legwork, involved in the licensing process borders on the obscene (although it's still nothing compared to a military security clearance form - hello twenty or more pages). There are twenty seven hours of required pre-licensing classes, a CPR/first aid course along with the blood-borne pathogen class, background check forms, fingerprinting, immunizations, a complete physical, and an astounding number of safety items to buy for the home. I didn't know there was such a thing as a portable fire escape ladder until we started this process. I'd guess, as of today, we're about half way through the process. We still have to have interviews with the licensor - both separately and together (not unlike the immigration interviews, now that I think of it).

We have a big empty house, and lots of love to give. Whether we end up fostering dozens of kids but adopting none, or get to adopt the first child we get, life won't be the same for us. And damn if I'm not looking forward to it.

Spring is ....not quite sprung.

It's April. Yay. It's the time of the year when the weather goes whacky, colds are inevitable, and spring cleaning is afoot. Sort of. We've completed our move and Gerry is back to work at his new unit. We accomplished this with no small amount of trepidation, but for the most part, it all worked out dandy.

My daughter and her boyfriend has moved in with us. That part is not so dandy. Her former boss, also my former boss, royally screwed her over, and probably laughed and rubbed his hands together while he did it. I won't go into ugly details here, but suffice it to say that if we had not ended up with a timely tax refund, they'd be living on the streets of Ruidoso with all of their crap stuffed into a suitcase and a laundry bag. I am not a happy camper, and given that the owners of the former place of employment subscribe to the religion of their homeland, I am sure that karma will revisit them and heap all the harshness on their heads that they deserve.

Onward to other happenings. My diet is going well, still low-carbing, and successfully I might add. I went to the doctor and had blood work done at the six month point, and all of my results came back normal. Blood sugar, cholesterol, the whole shebang. I've also lost about 25 pounds, but this seems inconsequential in comparison to getting my diabetes under control without medication.

I've spent some quality time with my friend, who is also my former supervisor from the evil empire that is Best Western. If nothing else good came from my year with those clowns, and nothing else did, I came away from the experience with a good friend. Fate sent her to Washington about six months ahead of me, and she lives about 5 minutes away, so we get together as often as we can. It's good to have a relationship outside of the internet friends I have, and I have a few of those too. Particularly one couple who lives a couple of hours away that we'll drive down to see this coming weekend. Another couple lives an hour in the other direction that I hope we'll see again soon as well.

All in all, I have a pretty good life. It's the kind of life that I cherish every moment of, because God knows that anything can change and throw a pound of sugar in the gas tank of life. As my daughter has so painfully discovered in the past couple of weeks.

Busy busy busy

So the holidays have come and gone, and all of our plans to spend them with family went out the window when we realized we'd have to have the leave time and money to make this move a month after Christmas (roughly). It's mid-January now and the time to head north is almost upon us! We are both so excited, it's hard to contain ourselves.

We found a house to rent, very close to a good friend in Washington, close to the post for ease of access for Gerry to get to work, pets allowed, and within our price range. Can't ask for more than that, can we? 

Besides the new place to live, I've begun a new eating lifestyle that...amazingly...I've stuck to with ease for the past three months. It's called the Ketogenic diet, and it's one that doctors have used for years to treat seizures in children. The Atkins diet was based on this, but I like this better because there's not some industry making money off of selling me products that are supposed to be good for me, but likely keep me dependent on their supply of food items. This is basically just a straight out low-carb, high-fat diet. I had blood work drawn three weeks into the diet and all of my numbers came back normal except for my hbA1C, and that's because it measures the spikes and dips in blood sugar over a 3 month period. I'm sure I fluctuated a ton before starting this diet.

Anyway, I haven't lost a whole ton of weight yet, but I know it's because I'm pretty sedentary. I need to get more exercise than I do and the weight will melt right off. But that's okay, because I already feel good, I've lost 14 pounds, and I'm not constantly hungry. There's no special foods to buy (unless you want to get creative), and I eat a lot of eggs, cheese, butter, steak, bacon, broccoli, asparagus, and cauliflower. I've ditched sugar, flour, root vegetables like onions and potatoes, and learned how to cook with things like almond flour and coconut oil. Snacks, if I get hungry and want one, consist of cheese, nuts, or a spoonful of peanut butter. I drink a lot of water, curing another issue I was having, because I was dehydrating myself before and this diet requires a lot of water to flush the ketones away.

I just want to say, because I don't feel deprived at all, I didn't even have the desire to cheat or go off the diet for the holidays. My Thanksgiving consisted of turkey, broccoli and cauliflower with home made cheese sauce, and a pumpkin dessert that had no sugar and about 5 grams of carbs total. For Christmas, we had a prime rib, shrimp scampi, and deviled eggs. I made another concoction for dessert that was something like a coconut cream pie dessert, minus the crust. I have stopped drinking years ago, so New Years Eve didn't have me wanting alcohol.

Overall, I think I'm doing very well, I'm happy, getting healthier, and still very much in love after eleven years. What more could a girl want? I wouldn't ask for anything more anyhow, as I'm already blessed enough. Let others have their wishes, mine have all come true.

On the move again

Such is the life of a military family. We are moving back to Fort Lewis in Washington in the next few months. I couldn't be happier about this, though. I have hated El Paso with a burning passion that I can't even explain. I've never hated anything so much as living in this desert town on the edge of Mexico. Within the next few months, I will be back where it rains. Where the trees and grass aren't brown and prickly. Where the wind doesn't blow ten pounds of dirt through your window sills to decorate the floors and furniture. Where I can open the window and enjoy a breeze at night when I go to sleep without dirt blowing in my face. It's beautiful outside at night in October in El Paso, but we still have the air conditioner running because if we open the window, we get dirt all over our bed.

We can't let the dogs outside for long in the summer for fear of something on the ground biting them. Tara had a spider bite last spring, most likely a brown recluse, that ate away at her flesh and left a gaping hole in her side for three months. In the fall, the dogs go outside to pee, five minutes, and they come limping back in and I have to pull a bunch of stickers out of the paws. You know, those stickers that stick to socks and pants if you walk in the woods. Woods smoods. Those stickers are part of our lawn, both front and back yard. We tried once...once...to take our dogs for a hike. Thought we'd find a park with some grass, or someplace with shade trees where we could hike. Franklin Mountains sounded promising. We went there, and found the only trees were squat cactus, and the mountain itself was literally rocks, with a path of smaller rocks bordered by rough weeds. We twisted our ankles every hundred or so feet, and the dogs kept losing their balance. We were hot, tired, sore, and sweaty inside of thirty minutes. So much for a morning hike.

So, have I made it clear yet, just how nasty living here is? I can't wait to leave!

The life of a perpetual dieter

So, I've been doing the yo-yo, gaining, losing, gaining, etc. for the past few years, but I think I've figured out the right way to go about permanent weight loss.

One thing I am good at is seeing patterns. So I began to see my eating patterns, what I was doing to myself, and why. I decided to try Atkins again. I'd done it before, years ago, but as I said, when you move a lot, you tend to toss your routines and habits out the window when it comes to road trip eating.

So about a month ago, I went on Atkins. It stuck for about a week. Lost 6 pounds in that week. Then on the 8th day, 3 pounds were back. So naturally I said, "Screw this!" and went back to my old ways.

BUT (there's always a big butt in there, right?) After going back to my old ways, it occurred to me that I'd felt pretty good while on the low carb diet. I wasn't plagued by lots of gas (apparently too many carbs make me gassy), my ankles hadn't swelled in a week, and I drank more water without even realizing it. Those are pretty good clues, aren't they? I thought so. I went back one more time.

I found a support site dedicated to ketogenic diets, and found all sorts of videos from doctors explaining why low carb is good for you. Two doctors in particular explained why and how this works in very simple to understand terms. One was Dr. Mary Vernon (a  former president of the American Society of Bariatric Physicians) and one was Dr. Eric Westman (current president of the American Society of Bariatric Physicians). Search for them on Youtube for some good explanations.

So anyway, I've been back on low carb for only 4 days this time. I've bypassed Atkins, because I think those bars and shakes they sell are probably not the best to include in a low carb diet. Since Dr. Atkins died, the brand is just a business with no personal investment. Someone is just making money off his name, and I'd rather not support that. But, I digress.

In the four days since I started again, I've lost four pounds, I'm actually eating less calories than before without measuring or weighing any food, I'm consuming a lot more fat than ever before and not dumping (those who have had gastric bypass don't need dumping explained). This is a big one, because I've been increasingly sensitive to dumping syndrome as the post-op years go by, and now I'm not dumping at all even though the fat I'm consuming has increased by a LOT.

The overall best part of this though, and this is what's going to keep me on this path towards a healthy weight; I'm not hungry. Let me just say that louder. I'M NOT HUNGRY. Not even a little, between meals. Every diet I've ever been on has left me feeling hungry, starving in fact, half way between meals. Breakfast at 7:30am? I'm hungry and craving ANYTHING by 10am. Snack at 10am? I'm starving by lunch time at 12. It continues through the day, and if I'm hungry, I eat. If I'm not hungry, I don't eat. Simple.

This way of life isn't for everyone. It's hard to break a lifetime of habits and "learning". Consider this though. The food pyramid recommends that 50% of your daily intake come from carbohydrates. FIFTY PERCENT. At the same time, the number of obese people in this country has skyrocketed. Mostly since the food pyramid was revised. The USDA can't recommend the same thing for every person in the country. We're all different. Keep looking for the way that is right for you.

I hate politics

WARNING: Rant incoming


Normally, I say I keep my opinions on politics to myself, discussing it only with my husband. There are too many people out there with differing opinions and ideas on how things should be done, and I dislike the idea of friends being alienated by those opinions. It also occurred to me that my posts here are sometimes about politics, so I guess I don't keep my opinions to myself as much as I thought.

With that, on to the rant.

The idea of moving to another country has become more and more appealing. Originally, I thought Canada (and that's still an option since my husband is a dual citizen), but I am very aware that the grass is not necessarily greener north of the border. Or anywhere, for that matter. Politics and power equals corruption and greed no matter where you live.

With the election season in full swing, and media outlets, social networks, and every nook and cranny of the country blasting their opinions for all to hear, I'm becoming embarrassed to be an American. I used to be very proud to be a natural born citizen of the United States. Now it feels more like I'm a member of a sideshow at a three-ring circus.

Romney is bad for this country. Republicans who are STILL reeling over the fact that a black man was elected president, are bad for this country. It's not like we're electing a dictator or a king who will have absolute rule for the next fifty years. I watch, and I listen, everyday...to people who will do anything, say anything, vote for anyone, just to get the black man out of the white house. They are willfully dragging our economy into the toilet just so they can say it's the president's fault. They try and rig elections, grind their boot-heels into the backs of the poor and elderly to keep them from voting, and try taking away what little the poor have.

AND they call themselves Christians! The hypocrisy is astounding! All of these so-called dyed-in-the-wool red states, are filled with poor folks, uneducated folks, hard working individuals that Romney considers worthless and  "not his job to worry about". And they'll stomp their way to the voting booth to vote for him, because he's a white guy, and for no other reason. Seniors will drag their tired bodies to the voting booth to vote for him, even though he and his running mate are boasting about GETTING RID OF SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE. HELLO! So many retirees didn't have jobs that allowed them to sock away multiple IRAs to live on into retirement. So many of them only have social security and nothing else to survive on. I just don't get it.

I did vote for Obama last election. And I felt he could have done some good if the scared white guys didn't decide to have a temper tantrum and make their priority getting him out next term, instead of working with him to fix the country.

I'm considering voting libertarian, or a write-in this time, simple because I don't think that the Republicans will work with him to fix things any more than last time. I might have voted for Ron Paul had he won the nomination, and I think, again, that the media did a butcher job on him to put Romney in the lead. Betcha they are regretting that now.

I may vote for Obama again, just to keep Romney out of office. It's a crappy reason to vote for someone, and I'm betting that will be the reason for a good chunk of Obama's votes this time around. I haven't decided yet who I'll vote for, but one thing is for sure. I WILL vote. And you should too.

Spontaneous travel plans

As I  write this, I sit in a hotel room in Virginia at 4:30am while my husband is at his morning PT routine. Just a few days ago, I sat in a hotel room in Ruidoso, New Mexico trying to keep my mind off of missing my husband so much while he was away at training. The lightning fast switch in locations is enough to make anyone's head spin, honestly.

As an aside, I would not have been able to do this, and come to Virginia on the spur-of-the-moment if we had any children. But not to dwell on that, I didn't come here out of selfishness or for frivolous reasons. My husband missed me. A lot. It was affecting his ability to concentrate and focus on school. It affected his sense of self-confidence, and mental resiliency. I missed him, too. A lot. I was sad and depressed, moping around the empty house, and debating going to sleep at 8pm just so the days would go by faster. I guess we both needed this.

Some might call us pathetic, but our love for each other has not diminished over the years. It has grown stronger, and when separations come, they are stressful and sometimes devastating. Since this particular separation was able to be circumvented, we did so. I paid for my own transportation out here, and the hotel room price is the same whether one person or two occupies it. Meals we either pay for ourselves, or we share one if the servings are big. There is no exploitation of the government credit card, we get to be together, and my husband can focus on school and aim for honor grad.

It's 3:15am back at home. My poor dogs are probably wondering where the hell I am (my neighbor is taking care of them), and I'm sitting here hunched over a laptop in a hotel room two time zones away. Overall, I love my life and wouldn't trade a minute of it away.

What gives America?

I'm normally not into politics, and I don't spread my political opinions around like pollen on a windy day. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks theirs is right.

That said, I won't go into politics here so much as humanity, decency, and doing the right thing. Do people really believe that fixing the country will happen magically once the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? Do they really believe that saving the country's flagging economy rests on taking things away from poor people and giving extra perks to the rich? Kind of like Robin Hood in reverse?

One of the reasons I don't usually talk about my views and opinions is because I have no solution. I believe if anyone is going to criticize our president, our government, or our society, they can only do it if they have good ideas for fixing it. Of which I have none.

I'm naive, and an idealist. I believe in everyone working together to save our future, and I believe in putting aside grudges and animosity for the greater good. There's very few of us left, though. Most people are of the school, "What's in it for me? How do I get anything out of this?" Reality TV, social networks, blogs, Youtube, and other web sites, are proof of this. Look at the comments section of any news station's website and you will always find people quick to put down anyone who doesn't share their opinion, and do it viciously.

I saw a picture someone put on Facebook, of a guy flipping two middle fingers up at as President Obama's bus rolled by them in Ohio. Really? Did your mama not teach you any kind of respect? It doesn't matter if you like the guy or not, disrespect of that kind speaks volumes about your parents and how you were raised. If you don't like the guy, vote him out. If he gets reelected, wait four years and he'll be gone. This isn't Libya where the same guy runs the country for fifty years with an iron fist.

I saw a video on Reddit the other day, of a guy hassling border patrol agents in Texas. Since I routinely drive through these checkpoints, living in Texas and working in New Mexico, it's a matter of, "Hi, are you a United States resident?", to which I say, "Yes", and the man nods and waves me on. How hard is that, seriously? Where exactly are your rights being infringed upon? They don't ask to see papers. They don't make me get out of the car while they search it. It's a 20 second blip on my drive, big freakin' deal. But the guy in the video, no he has to be a jerk (I'm refraining from using stronger words). "That's my business," he answers smugly, while secretly recording it. Obviously, the agent wasn't expecting that so he pauses for a minute and then says, "Actually, it's my business. Are you a United States resident?" And naturally, mister cocky is all like, "What is this Nazi Germany? Are you going to ask me for my papers? I don't have to prove anything to you. I'd like to go on my way now." They go back and forth, and the agent tries to get him to pull to the side, so the traffic piling up behind him can keep moving. "No, I'm not going to pull over there. I should be free to go on my way. This is America isn't it?" He was trying to say how America is a police state and we're all being harassed. I don't see how being asked a simple yes or no question is harassment, but whatever. Most of the viewers of the video felt the same as me, although he did have a few people cheering him on.

It's very obvious that this guy staged the whole thing for some notoriety. A quick look at his website shows that he also speaks out against women wearing pants, he's strongly anti-gay, and an ultra conservative Christian. He should hook up with the Westboro Baptist church and get it over with.

ANYWAY, my point is, that people being selfish, closed-minded, and arrogant know-it-alls are what is killing this country. The government isn't our enemy. The average voters are our enemy. Americans are our own worst enemies. It seriously makes me want to uproot and find another country to call home.

On My Own

My husband left two days ago for an 8 week training course in Virginia, and I'm rattling around the house kind of like a lost child at a carnival. I don't have to have certain meal times, I don't have to brush my hair, I don't have to even get out of my jammies if I don't want to. Sure it's neat to have the house to myself. For about 5 minutes.

I'm missing my husband something terrible. I have lots of time to write, read books, watch movies, play video games, do school assignments. I'd gladly trade all this freedom and "me time" to have him home, or for me to have gone with him. He's feeling the same, I know. We love to road-trip, and this is the first time he's taking one without me. Or alone at all, for that matter. He calls me a couple of times a day from the road. So far I've gotten calls from Abilene, Little Rock, and Memphis while I sit in front of my computer with a United States map on the screen and track his travels, wishing I were with him. And how pathetic does that make me?

I feel like "overly attached girlfriend", stalking his every move. I will admit I haven't taken a shower or changed out of the ratty clothes I've been wearing since he left. I did the same when he left for Iraq a few years ago. It takes me a couple of days of wallowing in sadness and depression, then I snap out of it before I sink too far. I only just realized today is Saturday, for Chrissake.

So today I'll shower, and change into clean clothes. I'll get in the car and go somewhere, just to get some sunshine and fresh air. When I get back home, I'll sit and write another chapter of my book and I'll feel some sense of accomplishment. Then it'll be what...noon? Yeah, I can see how these eight weeks are gonna go.

Time flies when you're having fun

It's been over a year since I last wrote. That should tell you how hectic that job was. Yup, was. As in, no longer. I finally couldn't take any more, no matter how much I liked my boss or the people I worked with, that job was going to kill me. I'm just glad I saw the writing on the wall and got the hell out of Dodge.

I can't even begin to accurately describe the hectic idiocy of that job, and the couple who own the place and hand down the mandates. The biggest challenge was trying to run that hotel despite the owners ludicrous demands. I hope my (former) boss muddles through until her husband gets his PCS orders and they....get the hell out of Dodge.

Anyway, my return to unemployed status gives me time to concentrate on a few things. First, my writing-and second, my weight. I did lose weight on the job, I'll say that much. But that was only because there was never time to eat! My health declined even as the weight went down. It really was a terrible situation.

I've debated back and forth on trying a new diet, or getting in touch with a surgeon to revise my gastric bypass as options. I've decided, for now at least, to go back on Atkins and see if that helps at all. I know fad diets and yada yada, bullshit, etc. but since I have a very real addiction to carbs, I am kind of hoping that if I can stick to Atkins for a while, it'll help break that addiction.  I'm on day 3, as of this writing, and 2 pounds gone already. Time will tell though, I've failed nearly everything else, even surgery for God's sake.

And then the writing. I've been working on a couple of things simultaneously while going to school, and my next  two classes are Spanish, and won't that be fun?! I've gotten back into my stories, with some ideas for new ones rumbling around in my head, I just need some organization to get them straight and take small bites. If I don't get overwhelmed, I could be done with more than one book in a year. Time will tell on that, too.

Next time I write here won't be another year down the road, promise!

Culture shock

So for the first time in several years, I'm working again. For the first time in even longer, I'm working for a hotel again. Culture shock is the only way I can really describe it, to be honest. Even at my busiest at Alyeska, I never worked this hard, or this long. My life has changed dramatically in the past two weeks, and I've yet to decide if this is a great thing, or a terrible thing.

Lets start with the fact that I'm now only a weekend wife. My job has me living in a different state from my husband, and he makes the two hour drive every weekend to see me. Once he gets here, I find myself working through half of the time he's here, leaving him to his own devices, or to hang around my office and feel like he's in the way. Let's not forget, that for at least the next month, I'm living in one of the hotel rooms until the owner vacates the apartment his family is in next month, and I can move in there. When he leaves on Sunday evening, it feels like he's leaving on deployment again, and I'm a weeping wreck for the rest of the night. Well, at least it's been like that the first two times he left...we'll have to see if saying goodbye every week gets any easier.

I've been working twelve to fifteen hour days, nearly every day of the week since I got here. No day off yet. Compare this to the unemployed, I'll-clean-the-house-at-my-own-pace-thank-you-very-much life I led just two weeks ago, and you'll probably get an idea of just how tired I am. I come to my room every night, too tired to eat dinner, too tired to walk the dogs, too tired attempt any meaningful school work (yes I'm still attending college classes online), too tired to clean my room, or do anything but sit there and rub my aching feet. I want to call my husband, and talk to him a little before I pass out, but good Lord, I'm almost too tired to carry on a conversation at this point. We talk for a few minutes, or we just text each other good-night and hope to find time to talk about each other's days and lives tomorrow. I miss him a lot, especially at night. But I do this for our future. So that we can save money to buy a home and live comfortably before I get too old to do jack-all.

Then there is the atmosphere at the hotel itself, which is another kind of culture shock. My boss is great. We get along, I respect her a lot, and she's a fair, no-nonsense type of lady. Aside from that, everything seems to be in chaos all the time. No matter how well planned something might be, something unexpected makes a mess. It's enough to make me crave a cigarette for the first time in years, and that makes me a sad panda.

Well, I've worn myself out just talking about work. It's 7 a.m. Sunday morning, my husband is fast asleep in bed, while I'm drinking coffee number two, and obsessing about work. I think I'll go crawl back in with him for a little while.

America...sigh

I'm an American, born and bred. As time marches by however, I'm less and less inclined to feel proud of that fact. All over the media outlets of the country, the political rhetoric is heating up and people are being pulled in different directions. America has become one giant Jerry Springer show - we're just waiting for the chair-throwing to start and we all have ringside seats.

I think it's totally preposterous that multi-billion dollar corporations such as General Electric, Verizon, and Federal Express should not pay taxes, because, as their CEO's claim, "it's perfectly legal" not to. Meanwhile, our wonderful Republican base has decreed that tax breaks to these big corporations will help to keep them hiring people.

Except they're not hiring. They just give bonuses to all their already high-paid executives for getting the job done and making a profit with the staff they already have. Why take on new employees when they can make a metric crap-ton of money without them? I've worked for big companies before. That's what they do. They continually, year after year, brainstorm ways to make more money than the previous year. When there are no fresh ideas forthcoming, they start eliminating positions and paying one person to do two other people's jobs, thereby still showing a profit.

Then the oil companies, which is a whole issue all by itself...

But I digress. Right now, my husband and I are thinking about making use of his dual citizenship with Canada and heading north when the Army spits him out for good. Some people might say the grass is no greener on the other side of the border. Sure, every country has it's issues, but Canada seems to have no problem with making sure their poor don't starve to death, or live in a cardboard box under a bridge, or die of some hideous disease because they're poor. Canada's rich are still rich, and the poor are still poor. But everyone has a place to live, food, and some semblance of health care. Not sure why that's so hard to do on this side of the fence, but hey....at least the rich over here don't have to look at us poor folk and have their consciences nudged.

Random things

Where to start? So many different things have gone on in the past week, I can't decide which to write about. I guess I will start with the reinvention of me. I realized, after a doozy of a fight with my hubby, that I have grown complacent. I can't decide if it's depression, laziness, or an all-time low self esteem, but I haven't wanted to do zip in quite a while. I have been unable to find work, and after giving up, I've been unwilling to look for yet another job that will just frustrate me and foster my intense dislike of the general population. I finished my Associates degree in psychology last year and I'm working on a Bachelor's degree in English now, so it's not like I spend my day lounging in front of the TV stuffing my face all day. I have school work to do, and while my house isn't spotless, it isn't a pig-sty either. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats to take care of and clean up after as well. And I try to find time to write. So my days aren't exactly carefree leisure time activity.

I find, however, that not working has made me feel like less of a contributor to my marriage and more of a leech. My husband is the one working and making the money, and I do things at my own pace and answer only to him. Thus, I have inadvertently put him in the role of boss, father, and minder, instead of my partner...and the strain is mounting. I'm actively looking for work again, and I'll take anything at all if it'll put us back on even ground. However, I still will find time to write, do school work, take care of the animals and the house and somewhere in there, find time to enjoy life. I'll let you know how it goes!

Ebil dentists

So the past few days have been different from the norm. My husband had to have all four of his wisdom teeth pulled on Monday. This gave him a few days off to recuperate, which he thought was going to be all fun and games. I tried to tell him, oral surgery is still surgery and it's no picnic, but he wasn't hearing it. So Monday came, and first thing in the morning we headed to the oral surgeon's office.

Now my husband is a pretty sturdy guy, and he very rarely gets sick. In our nearly ten years together, I've seen him sick enough to go to the doctor exactly once. So I sit in the waiting room reading. There are lots of other people there, as each patient has to bring someone who can drive them home. I watch as patients go in, and not long after, a dental assistant calls for their driver to pull the car around back. I notice that people who went in after my husband did were going home before they called me. I started to get nervous. Finally, it's my turn. But, they don't tell me to pull the car around back. They have me come into where my husband is recovering. One look at him and my knees turned to water.

His eyes were mostly closed. His head was wobbling around on his neck like one of those bobble-head toys. His face was stuffed with bloody gauze and blood was dripping down his chin, splatting on his shirt. Blood dripped from his nose, and there were droplets of it on the floor all around the chair he was reclined in. I swear he looked like a train wreck, not a dental patient. I used to work in an emergency room years ago and I've seen some blood and gore that would put most people on the floor, or at the very least, lose their lunch. But none of those patients were my husband. My stomach sank, my nerves were bouncing and my legs didn't want to hold me. However badly I wanted to collapse on the floor in a puddle, I had to stay upright and be strong. He was so out of it, I had to keep my wits. It wouldn't have gone well if both of us were incoherent.

The dentist came in and tried to reassure me. He said my husband's case was pretty tough. His bottom wisdom teeth had been laying sideways under the jaw line and it was really hard to get them out. The upper ones were impacted and one of them left a hole in his sinus cavity, hence the noseblood. Since my husband never takes any kind of medications, not even Tylenol, the Versed they gave him really knocked him for a loop. They guided him out to the car after I pulled around back (they do this so they don't scare the bejesus out of patients in the waiting room), poured him into the passenger seat and I took him home. I had several near-crashes because I was so anxiously watching him, more often than the road. I finally got him home and helped him into the recliner where he immediately passed out. Then came the waiting game. I knew from experience that with Versed, even after it wore off, he'd be tired and groggy half the day. I waited a bit to make sure he didn't been help to the bathroom or anything, then went to get his prescriptions filled. My poor baby slept until late-afternoon before finally waking up and being able to hold a conversation.

It's wierd, I've dealt with stitches and broken bones with my children, but nothing has ever made me go weak in the knees like seeing my husband laid low by the dentist. I tell ya, I'll be happy if I never have to go through that again. But my husband is in the Army. I'm betting it's inevitable that I will be going through that again.

Classical literature?

Yes, I am going to major in English. This means I will have to read the classics at some point during the next two years. I've never read a single piece of classical literature in my life. Or if I have, I've successfully blocked it out. I've never read Moby Dick, or Of Mice and Men, The Grapes of Wrath, Romeo and Juliet, or anything by Shakespeare. Maybe I should have, but I'm a girl. I like stories with happy endings. Anything that has a "happy ever after" is what tickles my fancy. Sue me.

The first book I ever read - meaning the first full length adult novel - was in the seventh grade and I had to do a book report on a work of fiction. My mother was an avid Stephen King fan, so she had a lot of his books in the house. For my book report, I read Fire Starter. From that day on, I was a voracious reader. I ate up everything he'd ever written and for years, I read only Stephen King with a small dash of Dean Koontz when King was between book releases.

Many years pass, and I do mean many. I was at work one night, second shift as a secretary in an Intensive Care Unit, and it was a particularly slow night. One of the girls from the day staff left a romance novel in the desk drawer. Now, I had always scoffed at romance novels, calling them "smut books" or "porn novels", but I had nothing to do and hours to go until quitting time. I picked it up and started to read. From that day on, I was like "Stephen who??". I don't think I ever read one of his books since, although I did still pick up Dean Koontz every once in a blue moon. I found my "happy ever after" fix, and I read so much that I ruined my eyesight. I spent every waking moment with my nose in a book until I could no longer focus on things in the distance. I now have a book case filled to bursting with books, ninety percent of them romance novels. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, what can I say?

Which leads me to the title of this posting. Classical literature. What makes it so good that it's considered a classic? Was it because these works were written during a time when many authors didn't have any sort of formal training or education in writing? Was it because there were so few people eager to write that anything that did get published was eaten up like starving beggars at a free buffet? I've read a few now, particularly Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice. They depressed me. Tragic love stories really depress me. While Pride and Prejudice did have a happy ending, the rest of the entire story, except the last few pages they were at odds with each other. Why did I need to read those again? I've already bought a ebook copy of Moby Dick. Let's hope that's not depressing from start to finish, shall we?

Foray into blogging

I've always wanted to write, from the time I was about ten years old. My teachers said I had a fantastic imagination. My mom called me a little liar. I've written full novels, as well as a ton of partial ones, in the days before computers were commonplace. I wrote them in notebooks, and on a crappy second-hand typewriter. Everywhere I went, whenever I moved, those pages were carted around with me for years. My self-esteem and fear of rejection kept me from even attempting to submit them. I'd reread them, see things I didn't like or wanted to change, or things that sounded downright stupid. I figured if I could see the errors in my work, a professional would see them from a mile away, and start laughing before I even sent a query letter. So those pages eventually landed in the trash heap.

It's years and years later now. I have a good life, and I am happy and secure. I've taken college courses, received my Associates degree in Psychology and I'm currently working on a Bachelor's in English with a focus in communications. I've changed my mind, more than once, about what I want to be when I grow up. And that's just in the past two years! I figure, I'm 45 now...I should probably figure it out before I've got one foot in the grave, right? My husband, God love him, is always pushing me to reach for my dreams. To not be afraid to try and achieve them. It took me a good long time to discover what they were. I want to write. Even if I never write more than this blog, and nobody but my husband and I ever see it. I am reaching for my dreams - and I have to start somewhere, so this is my launchpad.

At times, this blog may ramble. I have tons and tons of things crammed in my head that want out. Be forewarned. There really isn't a pattern. This blog is just me, being me. And on that note, let me tell you about me.

I've led a colorful and drama-filled life. With that in mind, I can tell you I need no more of it. As my husband and I say to anyone who comes to visit or crash for an extended amount of time, "We don't do drama here." Save it for someone who can get into it, and relish it with you. I am 45 years old and married to my bestest hero. We celebrate our ten-year anniversary this November, and sadly we won't be together for it. My husband will most likely be in Afghanistan. I am an Army wife, and insanely proud of my Canadian-born husband who would go to any lengths to take care of me and ensure we have a good life. I have two children from my first marriage, who are now grown and trying to get their lives on track. My son is just about there, he has a beautiful wife and they have blessed me with an even more beautiful granddaughter. My daughter is trying to figure out her life, and stumbling through it haphazardly. I am torn between wanting to help her, and offering up the tough love she needs in order to learn to take care of herself.

Between the military moving us around, and the harsh economic situation, I have given up trying to find work. I am now a full-time student and homemaker, thanking God that my husband makes enough to support us without me having to work. I take care of a small zoo as well. We have a 10-year-old Husky and German Shepherd mix named Tara, two male cats we rescued from the pound as kittens three years ago, Cain and Abel, and our newest addition about a week ago - a small 5-year-old mutt (possibly Chihuahua and some kind of Spaniel mix) named Tobey, that we rescued from neglect from a neighbor who didn't really want him.

We are currently stationed in Ft. Bliss, Texas and though we've only been in the Army for 5 years (and yes I mean to say "we", as us spouses are tied to the military every bit as much as the service member), we've moved three times in that short amount of time. Throughout my life, I've lived in New Jersey (grew up there), Florida, Missouri, Arizona, Alaska, Oklahoma, Washington, and Texas. Some of those were even military moves! I may have grown up in New Jersey, but Alaska is where I consider home. Hubby and I miss it there, and when he gets out of the military....be it 2 years from now or 15, Alaska is where we're headed.

I guess this is where I'll end this post. Not that I imagine anyone is going to read it, but what the hey.